The New Couch
by TweenisodeOrange
Summary: Calvin's Mom wants a new couch. Read the hillarious stories that are started from this little act. One-shot, but quite funny.


**Hi! Tweenisode Orange here with another Calvin and Hobbes one-shot. This one is different, the different sections are all different day-to-day strips, where time dots (. . .) represent a long break in time between panels. The second-to-last section would probably be a sunday stip. Thanks for you time, now happy reading!**

All credit for the creation of Calvin and Hobbes goes to Bill Watterson. Thanks for the memories Bill!

**The New Couch**

Calvin's Mom was tired of their old couch. It was smelly, dirty, and beaten up. She was embarrassed for company to come over and see it, and sometimes couldn't stand to watch TV with that _smell_!

"We _need_ a new couch!" She insisted to her husband for the third time that day. "There's a clearance sale at the local furniture store, I don't want anything fancy, just something that doesn't smell like week-old tuna sandwiches!"

"_Fine_." Dad groaned, finally caving to a week of persuasion from his wife. "We'll go tomorrow, while Calvin's at school!"

--

"What would you like?" The man who was helping Mom look at all the couches asked her.

"I don't want any less than a one-year warranty." Mom said sternly. The man gave Dad a questioning look.

"We have a six-year-old son." Dad explained.

"Ah." The man nodded.

--

Calvin came home one day to see the old couch lying out on the front lawn.

"I wonder why they'd do that." Hobbes thought out loud.

"Oh no! Dad must have blown the bill money on a night on the town, and now the bank is foreclosing our house! I'm going to be a _homeless_ person!!" Calvin cried.

"Hey Calvin, what are you yelling about?" Suzie, the girl from next door, asked.

"The bank is foreclosing on our house!" Calvin said sadly.

"Really? Does that mean you're moving? Great!" Suzie said with a big smile.

"_Girls_, I thought my day couldn't get any worse, and then a _girl_ has to come and ruin it." Calvin muttered as he and Hobbes walked into the house.

--

"Honey, the Derkins just called. They said something about the bank foreclosing our house." Mom called to Dad.

"What!? _Foreclosure_! What did they say?" Dad asked in disbelief.

"They said 'I'm so sorry, Suzie just told us. I can't believe the bank is foreclosing on your house.'" . . .

"So the first thing you think when you see the old couch on the lawn is that the bank is _foreclosing_ on our house?!" Mom asked Calvin later that day, her arms folded across her chest.

"How was I supposed to know you were buying a new couch? Maybe next time_ I_ can get a little warning on this kind of thing?" Calvin defended.

--

"So your Mom got a new couch because she was tired of the old one?" Hobbes asked Calvin as they were walking outside the next day.

"Yeah, she said it was beat up and smelly. I liked it, it was really squishy and comfortable. This one is all stiff and hard." Calvin replied.

"What happened to the old one?"

"Oh, Mom called the dump and they came and picked it up this morning."

Hobbes heaved a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong?" Calvin asked his tiger friend.

"I had some tuna sandwiches stashed away in there."

--

"Ok Calvin, this couch is new, and I want it to stay that way, ok?" Mom explained to Calvin, "I don't want you to play on it."

"Alright Mom." Calvin said. . .

Calvin and Hobbes both jumped up and down on the couch, because Dad still wouldn't buy a trampoline. . .

"Spaceman Spiff fires the ejection hatch!" Calvin exclaimed, inside his fantasy world. In his mind's eye he lands in a crash pad deployed by his space ship, but in reality he lands on the couch. . .

A fort built from the couch and it's cushions had a sign reading "Tigers Only" hanging over the entrance.

"What do you mean I can't come in?!" Calvin yelled at his stuffed tiger, "I'll knock you're fort over, I mean it!" . . .

Calvin and Hobbes were playing cowboys, and Calvin was using the couch to hide from Hobbes bullets. . .

Calvin was desparately trying to climb over the top of the couch while Hobbes pulled him down.

"Leggo! Leggo! I didn't _mean_ to step on your tail!" . . .

Calvin had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie. He was now covering it in his drool, and the popcorn was getting under the cushions. . .

Hobbes was using the couch as a scratching post. . .

"Wait a minuet, didn't we _just get_ a new couch? Now you want a _new_ one? _Again_?" Dad asked incredulously.

"It's got a warranty we can use, and it's falling apart. It's even starting to smell like _tuna_!"

--

"Your Mom wants to get a new couch again?" Hobbes asked Calvin in disbelief.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either. This one was just starting to get comfortable!" Calvin complained.

"So is your Mom getting rid of the couch you have now?"

"No, Mom says we have to use it. And I can't touch the new one on penalty of death."

**Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!**


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